Let me preface this post by saying this post is in no way
meant to offend anybody. If you are a stay at home mom, kudos to you! If you
are a working mom, kudos to you! I believe every family is different which may
result in different needs. I don’t think there is one correct way to parent. As
I have mentioned before, I use this blog as my journal. It is a place for me to
document events and my feelings on things currently happening in my life. This topic is
something that has been heavy on my heart lately.
A couple of days ago I had someone close to me tell me,
“I think you should probably wait to have more kids until you are done working.
That you can parent them yourself instead of making someone else do it for
you.”
In the past I have
also been told.…
“It is unfortunate you work and spend so much time away
from your little girl. You are missing all the important milestones in her
life.”
“Not to be critical, but your primary responsibility is
to be a nurturing mother. How are you doing that working outside of the home?”
“Isn’t it a bit selfish to make someone else take care of
your little girl when she is your child?”
“Do you have to work?” or “Why are you working?” Always
accompanied by a judgmental stare.
Or my personal favorite that is usually said following a
story about their kid: “Oh Mommy Problems. You wouldn’t understand that, you
work outside of the home!”
I understand that the people that said these things to me
probably weren’t trying to offend me. I get it, but it still doesn’t mean that
these words hurt any less. Going back to work after I had Kennadi was a
challenge. My plan during my whole pregnancy was that once Kennadi came, I
would quit my job and stay home with her. It wasn’t until a great professor and
mentor of mine sat me down and asked me about my goals. He knew of my potential
but knew I had a little girl and was genuinely curious on what I was planning
on doing. I told him of my plans of
getting a Masters Degree in a couple of years followed by working once I was
done having kids and they were all in school full time. He pointed out that if
I took a couple of years off before I went back to graduate school then it
would be a real challenge for me to get accepted into anywhere. He knew how
important my family was to me but also knew of my desires to fulfill dreams and
goals. He suggested once I graduated to work somewhere, even if it was just 2
hours a week. I basically just needed something to help me look like I was
being productive during that time away from school. It made sense, but I still
was hesitant as I loved being mommy to Kennadi.
Once I graduated, Austin and I discussed the possibility
of me going back to work. Austin still had some school left and was starting to
feel the pressure of finishing school and working full time to provide for our
little family. We decided that if I worked part-time that would ease the burden
Austin had to bear plus I would still have plenty of time to spend with
Kennadi. I was fortunate enough to find a job quickly at UVU. My sister-in-law
Aubrey was so generous to watch Kennadi while I was working and things just
fell into place. Within a matter of time, things got complicated though, as
they always do. Austin had to cut back his hours at work to get in all of his
classes which meant me working fulltime for a little bit was the only logical
thing to do. I found a perfect job which I knew I would enjoy doing, so I
snagged it up immediately. This job was
with Round House Racing, the job I am currently at. Be looking for a future
blog post about the details of this awesome job.
I am perfectly happy with where I am at. I love my job. I
love that I am able to challenge myself and find some personal fulfillment. I
love that I feel like I am contributing to our family and to society. I love that
I am working toward a goal I have set for myself ever since I was a little
girl. BUT I of course still miss Kennadi. I miss getting her up from her naps
every day. I miss taking her on an
afternoon walk. I miss playing dolls. I miss kissing her bumps and bruises. I
miss snuggling in bed every morning and reading stories. I miss hearing tiny footsteps and a little voice saying, "mommy." But, the mortgage payment, car payment,
utility bills, food on the table, etc. are also calling my name.
I have had many people tell me that they make sacrifices
to stay home with their kids. They may cut the cable, skip date nights, or only
shop at the DI. That is great, I applaud you for doing what is best for your
family. Making some sacrifices like that just wouldn’t cut it for our family and our goals though. I am working so that I can provide some financial security for my family.
Austin and I wanted to graduate from school with no student loan debt. Having me work and
providing an extra paycheck has enabled this to happen. Austin and I wanted to
buy a house so that we can have a little investment that can be building
equity. Having me work and providing an extra paycheck has enabled this to
happen. Austin and I want to have an emergency savings fund set up so that when
we decide to have more kids and I stop working we can have a little safety
blanket. Having me work and providing an extra paycheck is enabling this to happen.
With all of this being said, I don’t think me working
outside the home is only helping us financially. I also think it is also
helping me become a better mom. Spending time away from Kennadi helps me
realize how crucial the time I do spend with her is. When I am with her, I want
to be with her mentally and physically. Before I was working I felt like I was
often just with her physically because I was with her 24/7. I needed a break
every once in a while to recoup. I believe some people were meant to be stay at
home moms. They have the demeanor and personality to rock being a stay at home
mom. The world needs more stay at home moms to raise intelligent and well
behaved children. I also think some people were meant to be working moms, which
isn’t awful either. In fact, the world needs more professional, smart, and loving
moms to be leaders. I am still trying to find a balance on which one I belong
to.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not thinking
about Kennadi while I am at work. I only hope that a few years down the road
she will understand that I am not doing this because I don’t love her. I am not
doing this because I want somebody else to raise her. I am not doing this
because I want to miss some of her important milestones. I hope she understands
that I am doing this because I love her. I want to provide some financial
security for her. I don’t ever want her to go to bed hungry or not be able to
play a sport because we can’t afford it. I want to provide her with the
absolute best life possible. I also hope she understands that I am doing this
so I can be a role model for her. I did my senior research paper in college
about the importance of moms getting college educations and making a
contribution to society. I now fully understand that impact that my education
and work experience plays in our home life and translate into Kennadi’s
development. Research has shown that Kennadi will be exponentially better off
because of these sacrifices that I am making now. I could go off for days about this paper, but
the main point is that I want Kennadi to be exposed to these things to better
herself.
I guess all that I am trying to say after writing this
long novel, is I don’t think I am a terrible person for being a working mom. I
also don’t feel like I should be feeling guilty about being satisfied with my
choice to work both inside and outside of the home. I simply wish more people
would understand that a working mom doesn’t mean a deadbeat mom.
